random thoughts

Why this is the worst?

 

When a man implies he digs you and then follows it up with “although admittedly I rarely go for short-haired ladies…” It sounds backhanded, like, “admittedly I don’t usually go for short guys,” a kind of passive-aggressive vibe. And it suggests an “are you open to changing it?” Or I guess “bald guys” would be a better comparison since height is harder to alter. It just shows how shallow some people are. Someone’s hair style shouldn’t be the determining factor about starting a potential relationship with them. It’s best to avoid people like that. More than likely they will make mountains out of insignificant issues.

 

Nobody needs that kind of drama in their life. I think this bothers me/you/us on a subconscious level because it indicates that despite what he has learned about your personality, lifestyle, worldview, etc. he still fixates more on your physical appearance than anything else. It’s like he’s surprised that he finds you both interesting AND attractive. Which definitely says something about the type of guy he is AND the type of woman he usually goes for. And he sounds like a dick that usually goes for stereotypically hot bimbos.

 

Last summer I was walking down a crowded street and I saw a pacifier on the ground and a child in a stroller nearby. My “let’s do a good deed” programming kicked in and I picked up the pacifier and held it out towards the parent, “Yours?” They looked at me like I was a serial killer (I’m not) and shook their head. Oops. It all happened so fast I didn’t realize how my action would be perceived. This is not the only story of me putting my foot in my mouth and won’t be the last (this reply is likely another instance). Think about what you say/do? Yeah, of course, but it still applies to both genders and there should be a sliver of leeway for honest mistakes.

 

If a woman told a man she doesn’t normally go for guys with beards, or guys with red hair, but she really liked the man, I would think – wow! His personality overwhelmed her “type.” I might roll my eyes a bit but that wouldn’t be offended. It’s a weird phenomenon for us to reckon with, the reality that the ethics of certain behaviors have more to do with social identities and power dynamics than with the content of the behaviors themselves. Harder for those of us with more privilege. Like, I totally get it on the conceptual level, but still stumble around recognizing it practice. Some things are only good and true when said by certain people; who you are conditions to believe on what they say.

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