perspective, random thoughts

This year is over and yes, I’m still single.

xsss

It’s December 31 2017, and everybody who’s close to me on would know by now that I’ve been doing an annual flashback since 2004. It’s basically a run-down of the things I loved and learned throughout the year, which includes achieved goals in all aspects of my life. Everybody who’s close to me would know that the area I struggle most in achieving goals is in my “romantic life” (which is to say the absence of it). This year I include a KPI of the number of dates I need to achieve. Well, for this year, I FAILED. I was not able to go on 10 dates this year. In fact, I haven’t gone on a single date at all. 0/10.

10? Some people would say that should have been easy. Sure. That would have been easy, if I wasn’t so “PIHIKAN”, according to Tita 1, Tita 2, Married Friend 1, Married Friend 2, Friend’s Husband 1, Friend’s Husband 2, Ex-Officemate 1, Ex-Officemate 2, etc.

Maybe I’ve been single for a year that I’ve become immune to all the possible reasons people say I’m single. Sometimes I even get a kick out of seeing the reactions of Tita 1, Tita 2, to my responses when they ask me why I’m still single. The best so far are 1. Horror and 2. Disgust to the response “Di ko pa nabibili yung lalaki, Tita, eh.”

But really, it gets tiring sometimes to respond to the same question over and over again. Especially when 1. Your little sister gets engaged and 2. Your cousins get girlfriends. You’re the last one in the family they could ask that question to. Well, I’ve decided to answer this way and I hope all the Titas are reading.“Masaya po akong single, Tita. Hindi naman po ako mag-isa.”

Here are few reasons from this year:

  1. I’m single so I have less distraction. I was able to focus on work and be much productive
  2. I’m single so I don’t worry about a plus-one seat at a wedding. I’ve attended several weddings this year and friends never had to try and accommodate an extra seat for me. I was obviously very active at my sister’s wedding, being a bridesmaid and all, and at one of my friend’s weddings, so if I had a plus-one, he’d just be sitting awkwardly at the table those times.
  3. I’m single but that doesn’t mean I don’t want kids. I do get some practice spending time with my favorite nephew, godchildren and friends’ kids.
  4. I’m single so my family is my priority. This is probably the most time I’ve spent with the family over the span of a year – my moms’ movie date, aside from actually living weekly at home with mom and my younger sister .
  5. I’m single so I don’t seek permission to go on an excursion with friends like instant gala
  6. I’m single and dateless so I make my own dates. I don’t have to worry about whether this person is free to meet up with me on this date or what. I watch concerts, movies, play alone and I enjoy.
  7. I’m single so I get to plan my own birthday. No birthday surprise for me this year from any of my groups of friends, but that’s fine because it was never anyone’s responsibility anyway.
  8. I’m single but never lonely on Valentine’s Day and Christmas… I’m happy to spend these days with family and friends .
  9. I’m single so I can decide on my own how to spend my hard-earned money and invest for my future. I hear it often enough that once you get married, your priorities change, and you take care of expenses that are not just your own. There were some disappointments on the financial side for me this year but at least I’m only responsible for my own financial decisions.
  10. I’m single so I take care of myself. No one else will do it for me. I’m way past the stage when my mom must feed me and prepare my food.
  11. I’m single and taking this time to continue to discover more of myself. I’m getting to know new strengths and weaknesses now that I’ve already in my thirties. I do believe that couples are not two halves but two wholes that come together. The happiest couples I know are the ones that exemplify this.
  12. I’m single so I do the things that make me happy. Most of the married couples I know tell me all the time “sulitin mo na ‘yan habang single ka” and I can see what they mean. I’m free to spend my time traveling to new places and experiencing new things. I don’t even mind going back to the same places I’ve been to like Cebu, Bicol ,SG, and Sagada.
  13. I’m single so I make my own choices. This is not to say that people who are not single cannot make their own choices but I’m just saying that after everything I’ve said or written down, at the end of the day, I’m living my life the best way I can. I chose my own investments, what job to apply for. I can choose how and with whom to spend my life with.
  14. Being single does not define me. My relationship status does not define how I live. I don’t have a boyfriend or a husband. I don’t have children. But that does not make me unhappy.

And so, next year, I choose not to include dating in my goals anymore. I still choose to live life to the fullest. I still choose to be happy the way I see happiness to be for me. Cheers to 2018! And as usual, thank you to all who made my 2017 memorable!

 

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perspective, random thoughts

This cannot be accepted as normal

Why does he think “rape jokes” are necessary or funny? This is the Philippines now. Everyone makes fun of anyone. There is no adherence to what we call the common good. Everyone defends tactlessness with strategy. Oh when will we ever learn? And they call me narrow minded.

I have refrained from posts dealing with our politics but this is one about the right thing to do.You may admire the president for his vision and his plans but it does not diminish how you support him if you call him out on words that have no place in civilized society. It’s not about being red, white or yellow. It’s ALL about being a decent person which you want the next generation to become.

And to those who are trying to defend him or are trying to justify his repeated acts uhm, I’d rather not say anything bad against you. I’ll just pray. I PRAY TO THE HEAVENS AS WELL that kids will not grow up thinking that rape jokes pertaining to our mothers, sisters, daughters, grand daughters & nieces are okay and funny. President  has to stop these rape jokes which are NOT jokes, cute or funny. Maybe no one among his children questioned him why he was throwing material and verbal trashes from way in the past. It could also be that he refused to listen.

 Do not laugh at what President has said. It demeans. It impugns dignity. Remind the president it is wrong so he can do better the next time around.Isn’t Pia Wurtzbach a supporter of the president? Perhaps she would be at best position to tell off the president that this isn’t

1) a solution to drugs
2) a solution to terrorism

3) a solution to anything.

The one thing that I know for sure is that sooner or later, everything cones to an end.

perspective, random thoughts

Life

In our culture, “What are you worth?” is a question about your finances and utility, not your character. To be a “suc­cess” means you have more at the end than you did at the start. We say “you can’t take it with you” but we be­have and judge as though you can.

If your worth is limited to what one has have amassed or the positions one has occupied, then your education did not achieve its purpose.If the stories we tell involve others who have influenced our lives or have given us direction, then your life has been well lived. Or if we have made a difference in others’ lives. If we can influence others to succeed or be the better version of themselves, we can say our life is serving a great purpose.

But I always think that everything has its phase. Maybe it is the phase of that persons life when he is just enjoying the material things he can afford. Why such attachment to materialism? Maybe he was deprived as a child, but whatever the reason is, I don’t want to judge them They are just living the life that they want.

Life, anyway is education by itself which continues to change, update and expand. To be an instrument of change is never self serving unless we brag about it. Honestly, there are no right or wrong answers, only personal judgement and consequences.

perspective

Valid Reflections

Just read a friend’s post update in the evil Facebook how she “wished” she could tour Europe, but had to save for her child’s tuition fee. And I thought, this is true especially if you have mouths to feed other than your own. The reality is, you need money to survive in this world. It is not *everything,* but it is a BIG FACTOR.

I never been married or engaged, no kids.  I live by myself, I pay my own bills, and I remember being asked: “If you were to choose just ONE… what would you pick: Work for MONEY OR PASSION?” Now in my 30’s, I can say… without any hesitation, regret or apprehension that I would pick the cold hard cash over the raw fire in my belly. Why?! Because I realize now that nothing in this world is FREE… and to fund my passions, I need to pay my way (instead of relying on others to buy them for me).

My passions include reading, eating & investing, but would I be able to purchase the books I want to read without money?! NO. How about preparing for retirement as I have gotten older I have learned to appreciate investing .Donate for causes close to my heart, like women and animal and children rights without money?! NO. How about eating healthy food? I couldn’t afford it , if I don’t have any money. So yes, I’m willing to sacrifice many things like my beauty sleep & free time for a large paycheck, if it means earning (more than) enough to fulfill my passions without sacrificing my health, because obviously, health is wealth.

There is *nothing* so gravely wrong or “loser” about taking the path more traveled. Choosing the “normal” road or getting a regular paycheck or a conventional job/business doesn’t automatically mean that you are turning your back on your creative passions.

I don’t want to sound like a “dream killer,” but I speak from experience. Face it, things add up. You cannot live on passion alone. By itself, it will not feed you or your family, not unless you’re already swimming in dough to begin with. Unfortunately, that’s not the truth for majority of people in this world. Not even for me.

You cannot (realistically) afford all your dreams. At least, not all the time or all at the same time. That’s the first lesson a person has to learn that he can’t have everything and to find fulfillment and happiness with whatever he has or can afford. It’s not enough to dream *big.* your earning capacity must also be BIG. “Money cannot buy you peace of mind. But it can buy more freedom in life. “ This is why I really “grew up” to be the person I am today: passionate & ambitious in a decent manner. So there. Think about it. There is so much more to say, but I suppose I should leave that for another post.

 

 

 

perspective

How much time do you think would be saved if students were less disruptive as a whole?

Reading this article reminded me that type of thinking has led to the new normal of people who can’t handle criticism and get offended by anything and everything. I’d like to know more about the schools where this was implemented and they saw success. It’s usually effective but there are still some kids that will try to take advantage of a teacher like this and actually respond best to black and white discipline, at least until the teacher can utilize this technique without getting walked on, which is a tricky skill. (But tons of things are effective that are difficult to implement. “How” has to be a part of the conversation. I’m sure it would save time, and kids would learn better without disruptions and with positive relationships with their teachers. I think it’d be absolutely worthwhile to invest in. But I also think it’s still a pretty tough sell. It’s easy to say one hour a week is not a big deal (“doesn’t have anything in itself to do with overworked teachers “) when you’re not the one living that reality.

It raises a flag to me that the school was able to commit to 20 weeks of teacher training for this, and diverts funds to change classroom layouts. Makes me think that this school is in a unique position financially, or makes me wonder what they “diverted funds” away from (arts is a common choice).

Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a lot to be said for this approach. Hands down, building a relationship with a kid is the best approach to classroom management, although how you build that relationship will vary (not every kid is going to respond to you just asking what’s going on when they’re being a handful). Also worth mentioning that this doesn’t HAVE to be a “hugs and kisses” approach – you can be completely compassionate and patient and still take zero shit. But I do think it takes a lot of effort, and in overcrowded and underfunded schools (read: most places, especially those that might benefit most from this) there’s not a lot of time for this approach.

Especially in a situation where half your class needs this kind of personal attention and you’ve got 30-60 kids in one room all reading way below grade level and you’re being required to dedicate a certain amount of class time to test prep, etc… I think the reason the “carrot and stick” is so prevalent isn’t because it works particularly well but because it’s a shortcut, and most teachers are desperate for shortcuts in our convoluted system.

The article left a few questions with me as well, and I’ll try to be brief. It talks mostly about repeat offenders, kids that have disorders, ADD, ADHD, etc., but doesn’t really talk much about the “average” kid that just wants to push the limits of authority. It also doesn’t say how these kids were diagnosed, which is a huge deal. Were these kids tested by a specialist or were these kids just given medication because a parent told an MD to “do something”? Yes, this happens. More often than people want to believe.

I like that it makes the point of kids’ brains not being fully developed. Kids develop at different rates and this needs to be addressed by the system. Not all kids learn the same, but that’s another conversation altogether.

The article also doesn’t mention much about when punishment is appropriate. Certainly, kids need to learn to control themselves and this is one method to teach that. But kids also need to learn that with certain behavior comes certain consequences.

general, perspective

A most tragic end to such a beautiful life

RIP Robin Williams….the world got just a little less funny. It is sad. While he made others laughed and he was well loved and liked and helped so many – no one could helped him in his depression and darkness. This is the worst part He appeared like a happy man but he was actually depressed. Makes me wonder how many people are like him. Sad indeed and waste of a talented and good man.

After reading so many stories on him and all his roles – you realize he was actually both a brilliant actor and comedian. It is a waste of a much loved, much liked and popular person in real life, not just reel life. Dead Poets Society is my favorite of all his movies and shows. He was brilliant and inspirational in this and showed how you can educate and grow brains, mind and heart and even soul. These types of teachers do exist – rare but inspirational.

It’s often very hard to understand why people can get depression. Many people have passed judgment on Robin’s decision to end his life, calling it selfish and stating, “How can someone with so many resources choose to do such a thing?” Here’s what the reality:  Depression affects all socioeconomic and age groups and it is a dark battle and one not easy to win against it. To pass judgment on a mental illness that inflicts millions does nothing to bring understanding to the pain many people go through everyday, just trying to make it through.

It sometimes doesn’t matter if you are surrounded by people who love you and would do anything to take your pain away: the pain is still there and often it feels more powerful than the love of those close to us. We don’t know if that person ever gets a break from the voices that tell him or her that life is not worth living. We don’t know if those dark voices enter their dreams. And sometimes those that bring the most joy to others have to find a way to survive in their own mind. It’s therapy to bring happiness to people around them because the suffering knows what it like is to live in a place of darkness. .

Good thing is it can be managed with proper medicines, active lifestyle changes and very important support from loved ones and acceptance by the society. Often the latter is super tough and almost impossible. The social stigma is too huge. People are often ashamed of their pain and sadness because the world expects us to be happy, especially those that have more opportunities and wealth.

Pain and sadness should be more welcomed in this world, in that it loses its stigma. Perhaps if we could make this world a safer place to feel pain in, maybe those suffering from depression could feel more supported, instead of thinking they need to deal with it all on their own. I think what we can take from this is to continue to love on each other and to be understanding of someone’s pain. Be kind to people, because you never know what may really be taking place within their hearts and souls.

perspective, random thoughts

Oh yay!!! Good vibes! :-)

 

I think after all the ugliness of mother earth; we need a sunny cheer up. Here’s a nice story to share this beautiful evening:

Today I spoke to 3 strangers at Makati Area. 1st was a sales lady name Pauline. I was browsing for art paper and I heard her singing the Sarah Geronimo’s version of ‘Maybe this Time’ When I made my payment I told her ” Galing, you love singing?”, she happily smiled and said “Opo naman! “. And I told her “Pauline ang ganda ng boses mo, keep it up!” She was petite, had short black hair with big round eyes. 2nd was a promoter from hardware shop who showed me the extra discount section when I made payment. Nice up selling, but I honestly told her ” pag na promote ka ng product ipakita mo . wag mo itago sa box kase wala makakapansin yan.d yun box binebenta mo diba? “. She laughed and agreed. I told her “Have a nice day” before I left and she shouted the same back. She was a confident transgender, 5’6 ft tall, had her hair in a nice bun. 3rd person was a really good waitress at Bizu. Loved her service. After a good meal I told her “Thanks so much Hannah!”. She had her hair tied into a pony tail and she wore eye glasses. (Like me hehehehe..)

How many of us almost missed a lift and got saved by someone inside who kindly pressed the click button? Did you walk in thanking a complete stranger, and that person gives you a welcome smile, then your mood was slightly lifted up for the day? We can make a difference in anyone’s life every day in any way. It doesn’t have to be big, even a simple smile will brighten up their day.

Now my point is not saying that I made an effort to talk more with them or thank them. At the end of the day, if we pay more attention to people and open up more to them – no one is really a stranger. Everyone wants a conversation. Everyone wants attention. Everyone wants love. Everyone wants happiness. Those are basic needs of the soul. Above it all, it is more blessed to give than to receive. I got pumped up with extra dose of happiness and positivity.